But as my life has twisted and turned its way to where I am now, I find it harder to find that feeling. I guess I'm kind of like little Cindy Lou Hoo in Jim Carrey's rendition of the Grinch,
"Where are you Christmas; why can't I find you?
Why have you gone away?"
Or perhaps I have been looking in the wrong place.
I have been thinking the past couple of days about the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I find it hard to comprehend the fact that He, being a God who created this very earth, a spirit with fantastic power and majesty, came to this world at that time period to be born as a weak and helpless infant. I remember holding my own tiny babies, just new to this life, and feeling their dependence on me for maintaining their existence. I wondered who they really were. Now am I beginning to know.
I search my own feelings as I ponder the possibilities. I wonder at what Mary felt. And what our own, loving Heavenly Father felt. Felt on the day His only begotten Son was born to this earth.
The contrasts are so stark.
A God and a helpless baby.
The glory of the Heavens and
Palestine at the beginning of this time period.
I marvel that there were those who lived near Him, who talked with Him, who did not feel His Spirit, who could not discern who He was. And it scares me a little. Would I have been one of those? Was the reason why I was born at this time and place because I would have been too stubborn and blind to be able to see Him as who He is?
My challenge now is to try to follow Him; to become like Him enough so that when He comes again I will recognize Him and be comfortable in His presence. This is a challenge indeed! I fall so short of my goals everyday, sometimes I almost lose hope.
To lose hope is to despair.
And, as Marilla says to Anne in the movie "Anne of Green Gables,"
"To despair is to turn your back on God."
Recently, when I was having one of those periods when I felt as if I could never measure up to who my Father in Heaven expects me to be, feeling alone and forsaken, I had a little thought that has sustained me. The image of myself with my Savior standing by my side, holding my hand as I face judgment flashed into my mind just for a moment.
I know that Jesus Christ loves me and lives. I am grateful for His birth and His life here on this earth. I am thankful for His Atoning Sacrifice in my behalf. I know that He is waiting to stand by me when I am in need of Him. I love Him.
